Sometimes when I go out for a run,
I think that I’d rather be shot with a gun.
It takes me a while to get into the groove
and feel like my body is ready to move

And as for when I line up for a race,
I start looking around for someone to pace
At Fishwick 5 mile I saw my mate Pete Batt
but he flies from the start like a mad angry cat

The first hundred metres and he tries his luck
But shortly thereafter he’s thinking ‘Oh no!!!’
Cause he’s done it again, he’s gone off far too fast
and I know given time, he is going to get passed.

But it is very hard to get pacing just right
Set off too slow and your time will be … potentially really poor.
I once tried to pace a Red Roser called Ruth
but she beat me by minutes if I’m telling the truth

I’ve been doing too much, my legs feeling battered,
and the rest of my body is equally shattered
Just going down stairs is a bit of a trial
I’m in danger of ending up in one big pile

Cause Monday is going to a spinning class
To tighten up both of the cheeks of my ass
Tuesday I’ll go for a walk with the dog
Or catch up on writing a humorous blog

Wednesday is Intervals in Avenham park
Cooper test, hill reps before it gets dark
We’ve started by running in Indian file
the end, by the bridge, is to run the timed mile

Put in enough effort and get a PB?
Maybe not this week but next week? We’ll see.
Park visitors can’t believe their eyes
When we all run along doing Morecambe and Wise

Or galloping round, it is such a lark
to be messing about in a lovely old park
Stretching after is a complete ‘must’
But avert your eyes from Wiseman’s pelvic thrust.

Thursday is club run but you better loop
to the very back of whichever group
you happen to join because otherwise Stu
will notice and then he will shout loud at you.

Friday usually is my day of rest
and this is the day that I like the best
cause Saturday and I’ll be off to the Valley
I’ll get up right early and not dilly dally

Pita and Stuart and Debbie and Ray
are present on what is now called parkrunday
And it’s down and then up, down and up again ’til
You get right to the end and that blooming great hill

It’s a right tough course, it’s certainly not easy
but move to the side if it’s made you feel queasy
Cause no one likes standing in puddles of sick
so take a deep breath and hope that does the trick

On Sunday with luck we’ll be having a run
at a local event and then when it is done
We all hang around to see what we can get
as a prize in a race for becoming a vet

But generally I think that I’m sitting pretty
since I was co-opted to Red Rose committee
Because red and white are my favourite colours
So I’m going to stick with the Red Rose Road Runners